Jerry gets a date with Miss Rhode Island, a Miss America contestant; when they need a chaperone Kramer is available. On the date, Kramer gives her advice and becomes her personal coach. Elaine tries to get a job at Doubleday, filling in the shoes once filled by Jackie Onassis; instead she gets a job being the personal assistant of a top executive who likes white socks. Meanwhile, George decides that the Yankees need to change their uniforms from polyester to cotton.

Elaine's boss wants a special mechanical pencil, so Elaine tries to get one from a stationary store where the clerk has a thing for her. George and his girlfriend pick up a "big salad" for Elaine, that his girlfriend gives to Elaine and she thanks her. Later, George points out that he bought the "big salad." Jerry discovers that his current girlfriend once dated Newman, who broke off his relationship with her. Kramer plays golf with an ex-ball player who breaks a rule of golf, they have a fight, and later the ball player is wanted for questioning in the murder of a dry cleaner, where a golf tee was involved. Kramer later helps him evade the police in a white Ford Bronco.

Jerry comments that a friend was hitting on him and Elaine tries to find out if what was true, but gets the voice of the woman and her current boyfriend confused. Elaine's boss eats his Snickers bar with a knife and fork and idea that soon catches on. George thinks a waitress gave him the finger. Jerry gets caught throwing away a thank you card. Jerry cashes some old birthday checks from his grandmother. Jerry's working a PBS pledge drive and gets George to bring a Yankee to appear with him, while en-route to the studio, someone gives George the finger.

Jerry and Elaine see George's father with a man with a cape but don't say hello. Jerry discovers a Chinese woman on George's phone line after the wires get crossed and he gets a date with her. Kramer gets worried about his sperm count, so he goes to a fertility clinic and then makes a change in his choice of undergarments. Elaine ruins her friend Noreen's latest romance with a long talker. The Chinese woman turns out to be Jewish and from Long Island. Estelle gets advice about her relationship with Frank from the Chinese woman, but discounts it when she meets her. George's life is made miserable when his parent's separate.

Elaine begins to date the guy who delivers Jerry's new couch. Kramer plans to start the pizza business he thought of back in "Male Unbonding" with Poppie. George joins a book club, but tries to rent the movie so he can bluff his way through the meeting. Jerry and Elaine's discussion of the abortion issue causes trouble for Poppie, Elaine's relationship & Jerry's new couch. George spends the evening with the family that has rented the film.

George and Kramer convince Jerry he'll be missing out on something if he stops dating a Romanian Olympic gymnast. Jerry and Kramer find out about one of George's bathroom habits. Kramer must pass a kidney stone. The mother of George's girlfriend sees him eat something out of a trash bin, later cleaning a windshield & one of his bathroom habits. Elaine's boss becomes obsessed with finding the image in a 3-D painting, so he sends her to represent him in a huge merger deal.

Elaine brings over a man she met in England and he turns out to be a real bounder. Jerry accepts an Armani suit from an obnoxious comedian, the only condition, he must treat him to a meal at a restaurant; however, what makes up a meal. George goes for a walk with a waitress from Monk's and manure in the path sums up his relationship with her. After his kidney stone, Kramer decides to eat only fresh foods.

A salesman convinces George to buy a convertible once owned by "Jon Voight." Kramer tries to save a small shoe-repair business, but his good intentions affect Jerry in a big way. Elaine wins tickets for Mr. Pitt, who's always wanted to participate in the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade.

Jerry confronts his dry cleaner, whom he spotted wearing a jacket that he brought in for cleaning. George passes over hiring an attractive secretary for a less attractive one, he thinks he'll be able to get some work done; however, the secretary's efficiency turns him on, so he gets her a raise and then she makes more than he does. Kramer gets Uma Thurman's phone number and sells Bania his suit at a women's clothing store then he hides in a dressing room until he can get some clothing. At this same store, Elaine tries to buy a dress, but is unsatisfied with the size of the mirrors in the store.

Through his current girlfriend, Lois, Jerry meets an old rival, who suspects that he cheated in a high school race and he wants a rematch with Jerry to prove he was faster. Elaine is put on a "blacklist" for Chinese food delivery and finds out her boyfriend is a Communist. George responds to a personal ad in a Communist newspaper while at work, when Steinbrenner hears about it, he wants to see George in his office. Through his friend Mickey, Kramer becomes a department store Santa, who later spouts out Communist propaganda.

Elaine lets a potential employer borrow Mr. Pitt's tennis racket, but the injury suffered may ruin her chances, especially when she must get his racket back. Jerry's girlfriend never laughs, but he meets her roommate who does, so Jerry decides he would like to make "the switch." George's model girlfriend may be bulimic. He needs proof, so he meets Kramer's mother, who's a bathroom matron. While there he finds out Kramer's first name, Cosmo. Kramer decides it is time to be himself and begins to use his first name. George has the perfect plan for "the switch," a menage a trois.

Elaine and Jerry are suspicious of a friend's gift, when a gift Elaine gave him, a label maker, is given to Jerry in return for some Superbowl tickets Jerry has but can't use because "The Drake" is getting married on Superbowl Sunday and he is in the wedding party. George convinces his girlfriend to get her male roommate to move out, that he soon regrets. Kramer takes playing a game of Risk against Newman seriously. The Superbowl tickets pass through several hands and Jerry sees the game with his worst nightmare.

George meets an old friend who's spent the last few months undergoing chemotherapy, that everyone knew except him. Kramer calls a litterbug "a pig" near a cop who's on a quest to catch a longtime parking ticket scofflaw. Kramer wanting to change his image, asks Elaine where her old boyfriend got his glasses. He goes to see him at a book signing and says hi for Elaine, that means that she has lost the "upper hand" in their breakup, so she confronts him and then gets even by getting a copy of his glasses. George finds out from Gary, that he lied about his cancer and has been taking advantage of Jerry's kindness. Kramer discovers the identity of "the scofflaw." George gets a toupee.

Jerry introduces a program that shows highlights from the first 99 episodes of a "show about nothing."

Elaine tries to convert a gay man to heterosexuality. George, who's now wearing his toupee, discovers that the woman Kramer has set him up with, is bald. Kramer gives a homeless man some Chinese food and begins standing in police lineups for $50 a lineup. Jerry begins to date a cop, but she wants him to take a lie detector test, she thinks he is lying about NOT watching Melrose Place.

Elaine's friend, a physical therapist, whom Jerry must "kiss hello," has an old style hairdo, that Jerry and Elaine want Kramer to comment on. Jerry's grandmother wants him to open a ketchup bottle and she tells a story about some money that Uncle Leo was supposed to give his sister. Jerry's father is anxious to collect the money and interest Leo owes. Kramer puts tenant pictures up in the lobby and soon Jerry is giving every woman in the building, the "kiss hello"; however, when he stops, he becomes unpopular. George gets his arm looked at, misses a follow up appointment and must pay for that visit. The therapist skips out on her patients, including George, and goes skiing with Elaine. After their trip, she drops Elaine off 3 blocks from her apartment. Elaine injures her shoulder carrying her equipment home, and can't get any complementary treatment. Jerry gets proof of his uncle's dishonesty.

The doorman in Mr. Pitt's building causes trouble for Jerry who was only trying to be nice. Kramer robs George on the street for some German tourists. George's father is living with him and when he removes his shirt, George and Kramer see that he has breasts. So, Kramer develops a new undergarment for males ("The Bro" or "The Manssiere") that will alleviate this problem. Jerry offers his soiled couch to replace the one that was stolen while he was "on duty."

The guys play a game of basketball with "the Jimmy," a man who talks about himself in the third person. Jimmy sells odd shaped training shoes and George is an interested investor. Fresh from the gym, he attends a Yankees meeting about thefts, during which he sweats profusely. Jerry goes to the dental office and discovers they now carry Penthouse in the waiting room. Elaine gets tickets to a benefit for the AMCA (Able Mentally Challenged Adults) featuring Mel Torme, the "Velvet Fog." Elaine tries to meet a handsome guy at the gym, but instead talks with "the Jimmy," who makes the date for himself. On a follow-up visit to the dental office, Jerry feels the dentist and his hygienist may have lived out a fantasy during his time in the chair, the type of thing you might read in Penthouse. Kramer has a visit to the dentist complete with Novocain, later while wearing a pair of Jimmy's shoes, winds up getting a him a seat at the main table of the benefit.

Jerry is disgusted when he finds out he was eating pecans that were just in his girlfriend's mouth. George finds a doodle that his girlfriend drew of him. Kramer is eating some tasty peaches that come in season for two weeks every year. Fleas force Jerry and his visiting parents out his apartment. Elaine has an interview with a publisher that has suite of rooms at a fancy hotel and that is where Jerry parents get to stay. Jerry stays with his girlfriend. Elaine must go into Jerry's fumigated apartment to get an unpublished manuscript that she is supposed to read for her interview and she can't find it, but Kramer read it in Jerry's apartment and the gas causes him to lose his sense of taste. George finds out that his girlfriend really doesn't care what he looks like. Jerry figures out that Newman gave him the fleas. Meanwhile, Jerry's parents, Uncle Leo and Nana live high on the hog at the hotel.

Estelle is getting an eye job. Kramer gets his new license plates from the DMV, but the plates say "ASSMAN." Jerry is disturbed when he finds out his mechanic used his "move" on Elaine while making love to her. Kramer makes a statue of Jerry out of fusilli pasta and he makes the most of his new license plates. Jerry confronts his mechanic and later requires his services. Frank becomes the unwitting victim of one of those "freak" accidents proctologists are always telling stories about.

After his quick trip to Ithaca, Jerry plans to meet a super model at an airport club, but his assistant, Katie, makes the trip a nightmare. Elaine says she will quit working for Mr. Pitt, but finds out that she's going to be in his will. She becomes a suspect when he overdoses his medication. George tries to prove to his boss that he is not a racist, when he says his boss looks like "Sugar" Ray Leonard. To prove it, he tries to find anyone who's black that will be his friend. While at the airport club, Kramer meets a rich Texan with whom he starts making bets. Kramer hasn't gambled in three years and when he begins to lose, he calls in Newman for reinforcement.

George and his girlfriend discuss toilet paper and he is in love. Elaine's boyfriend paints his face and his behavior at a hockey game, disturbs Jerry, Elaine and a passing priest. A monkey throws a banana peel at Kramer, when he throws it back, the monkey becomes depressed and the zoo demands an apology. George tries to tell his girlfriend that he loves her, but her reaction surprises him. Jerry refuses to give the "necessary" follow-up courtesy thank you for the hockey tickets and Kramer is outraged.

George and Jerry are suspected by the cast and Kramer of deliberately injuring Bette Midler during a softball game, giving Jerry's girlfriend, Bette's understudy, a chance to perform. Kramer becomes Bette's personal assistant. Elaine gets George's father to translate for her when she suspects that her manicurist has made some obvious snide remarks in a foreign tongue. While crying about losing her manicurists, Elaine meets the owner of a catalog, J. Peterman, and gets herself a new job.